Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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