I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
