It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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