he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
