He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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