he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
