Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
