I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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