Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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