I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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