That's when you crack a 10am beer
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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