Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
