Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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