don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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