just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
