They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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