I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
