you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
