i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
