I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
