New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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