The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
