had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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