so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
