I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
