come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
