hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
