there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
