Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
