Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
