Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please, let me fuck your mom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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