some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
