It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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