He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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