What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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