you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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