It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
