Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
