I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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