The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
