He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this just has baby written all over it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
