if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
