Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
