Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
