No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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