Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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