I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
