I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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