All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
