He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize