My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
