Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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