So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
