I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
